DIAGNOSIS

This is how we were told about Ruby's CF.

We (me, Hubby, my dad, my cuz and my aunt) were waiting for the surgeon in the tiny parents room at the NICU ward. Ruby had just come out of surgery for a suspected bowel blockage. She was three days old. The surgeon came in and assured us that Ruby was fine and in recovery. On a paper towel, he drew an explanation of what had happened. A part of her bowel was blocked up with her meconium (that first yucky baby poo). The blockage had killed off part of the bowel, and had to be cut out (20cm). The two ends were then rejoined which was a bit tricky as they were different circumferences. The technical term for the blockage is meconium ileus.

But the surgeon was really happy with the outcome of the surgery. She didn't require a stoma, colostomy bag or follow-up surgery. He estimated that she would be able to feed by mouth in about 10 days.

Then he said now, I also have some bad news. Whoops, suck in that sigh of relief! He explained that meconium ileus is normally a result of Cystic Fibrosis. In fact, there was a 90% chance that Ruby had CF.

This is a day after her surgery. The Drs were very impressed with the speed of her recovery.

Clever little bubba!

Now imagine that your child needed their tonsils out. You feel a bit scared, as any kind of surgery on your child would be. When it's over, you are just glad that it's over. That's the end of that. Or is it? Imagine that the surgeon then tells you that they also saw a lump on your child's throat, and that there was a 90% chance that it may be cancerous. It's not over anymore, it's just beginning...

To be honest, I didn't even know what CF was. I was getting confused with Spina Bifida. And to be really really honest, I was relieved when the surgeon corrected me and I realised there was no physical deformity/disability. In other words, I was glad the she will look normal. 

The diagnosis was further confirmed with the newborn screening (heel prick test) 5 days later, and then with a genetic blood test. She hasn't had a sweat test yet, she will after her 1st birthday.

The CF team worked with us the day after the surgery, they will be our team until she is 18.  We felt like parents for the first time again, so much to learn, so little time to do it in. Every time I thought I had the gist of it, another piece of information would throw me.  It was mentioned a few times about the shortened lifespan,  but it was a while before we were told the magic number of 37 years. And you know what? I was relieved! I was expecting 6, or 10 or 18. How horrible, to be relieved that you baby has a life expectancy of 37 years. Sounds like the kind of question you ask when purchasing a dog, or a washing machine. This shouldn't even have to be discussed when talking about a new life.

We were reminded many many times how much the quality of life for CFers has improved, how much research is helping this disease. This is no comfort to a newly diagnosed family. It means nothing. It doesn't change the diagnosis, doesn't help you leave hospital early, doesn't break the news to your friends for you. It's a bandaid on an amputation. It's something safe for people to say to you. Nowhere as near as comforting as a hug, a text, a hospital visit. I am lucky, I received many messages of support, an much help with Eliza who was not coping well at all.

We fell in love with Ruby the day she was born. She was our Ruby, our baby girl. When we were told of the possibility of her having CF, I kept reminding people, she is still our Ruby. Nothing will change that, our love won't diminish. 

I will not pity her, I will not cry for her. I will not sit around the hospital cafeteria and say "poor her". She is my Ruby, she is the baby that stole our hearts, just like her sister did 3 years earlier. CF is something she has, not something she is.